Revenge Is Spicy, NOT Sweet
by Mudkip20
Summary: Fed up with Li Xiao Chun (Hong Kong)'s rebellious attitude, Arthur Kirkland (England) and China (Wang Yao) foolishly decide to declare a prank war against him.
1. Chapter 1

Wang Yao sighed as he finished cleaning his house alone. Although Xiao Mei, Cheng Wang, and Imyong had promised to help him tidy things up before that Arthur Kirkland jerk came over, they all ditched him at the last moment. Xiao Mei said she already had plans to go shopping with Lien Chung. Cheng left in a hurry, shouting that he had some business he needed to take care of. Imyong left when they had finished with Yao's room, disappointed he couldn't find Yao's diary or undergarments.

Technically, Li Xiao Chun could've helped clean. But the teenage boy was "too busy" to help the older Chinese man. Yao grimaced at the thought of Xiao Chun. Why did the child never do as he said? True, he had only just returned from the clutches of that British dope...but...

Just then, the doorbell rang, a ding-dong echoing throughout the near-empty house, snapping the sentimental Asian man back to reality. Yao was in no rush to open the door. But when he did, he greeted the person standing in front of him with a cool "Good afternoon, Opium."

"Is that how you speak to a 'honored guest' in your home?" a tall man with spiky blonde hair and bright green eyes said, trying to keep his annoyance hidden, but ultimately failing.

"Come inside, aru," Yao said, ignoring the other's reply. He led the way to his living room.

"Sit," he commanded.

His guest obliged.

"Anyways, how have things been?" Arthur asked, doing his best to sound polite. His boss had made it clear that he had better not get on Yao's bad side.

"Rather peaceful, ever since I got Li back, aru," Yao replied.

"And Li? Is he...is he happy living back with you?"

"Uh...," Yao didn't know what to say. Xiao Chun almost never expressed his emotions; how was he supposed to know whether the boy was happy or not? He could hear the teen rummaging through the kitchen in the next room. Perfect timing. "Why don't you ask him yourself, aru?" he avoided answering the question. "LI XIAO CHUN. COME IN HERE," he called. A minute later, the Cantonese teenager opened the door, a pork bun in his mouth.

"What is it, Teacher. I thought you said BrowBoy was over for important business and I'm not supposed to intrude." Xiao Chun's face was blank, just like always.

"Well, Opium here wanted to know how you were doing."

"I thought I told you not to call me Opium!" the European man protested. "And you...don't call me BrowBoy!" He then sighed. "But yes, your 'teacher' is right. How have you been doing?"

"I was like, totally fine until you got here," Li replied, without skipping a beat.

"Why you-!" Arthur lost his temper for a few moments.

"Now, now, Opium. Just let me sign those last few papers, aru. Then you can go home, and Li can go back to being 'totally fine', aru," the Chinese man smirked.

"It's not like living with you is particularly fun either," Li Xiao Chun said before leaving the room.

"That ungrateful little...," both Yao and Arthur growled at the same time. Upon realizing this, they looked at each other.

"You mean, you've been having problems with him too?" Arthur was surprised.

"S-slight behavioral issues, aru. Nothing more. He's still happier with me than with you, aru."

"I'm not talking about that right now!" the foreigner exclaimed. "I mean...don't you think as his guardians, we should teach him to show some gratitude?"

Yao pondered for a moment. "I suppose so, aru," he sighed, giving in.

Arthur held his hand out to Yao. "Can we say that we're at least against Xiao together then?" he asked.

The Chinese man frowned. "You're treating it as if it's some big war, aru...," he said hesitantly, refusing to shake the other's hand.

"I'm not, I'm not...," Arthur reassured. "I'm just suggesting that we beat Li at his own game," he said. Before Yao could say another word, Arthur said "I'm saying we're declaring a pranking war against Li."

Although Yao looked a little taken back at first, he quickly matched Arthur's smile witha grin of his own. The two shook hands-it was official now.

"Now then...," Yao asked. "How do we start, aru?"

"Well...we could start by listing out all of his strengths and weaknesses...," Arthur replied. The two smirked. They were totally going to win this.

"Idiots," Li murmured as he pulled away from the door. "I am the pranking king. They'll, like, never beat me," he finished the rest of his pork bun, and rushed to his room to make plans of his own.


	2. Chapter 2

"Spicy food, huh," Arthur sighed into the phone. "Are you sure that's Li's weak point?"

"I'm positively sure it's one of them, aru," Yao said confidently. "Whenever I make spicy food, he never touches it. And once, when I insisted he eat it, he said he doesn't like spicy food at all!"

"Is that so...," Arthur wondered aloud. "Well, for now, can you try only making spicy food? Breakfast, lunch, dinner...he'll have no choice but to eat the food he detests the most."

"Oh! That's a very good idea, aru!" Yao beamed. "I'll get to it right away!"

"Wait, Yao, before you go...,"

"What is it?"

"Does Li know that we're...?"

"Of course he doesn't!" the Chinese man was rather offended that the Brit would think that he, the oldest nation in the world, would give away plans to an enemy.

"Okay. Be sure he doesn't figure it out. Knowing him...he'd figure out some way to counter-attack," Arthur explained.

"I know, aru! I'm hanging up now," Yao said irritably, jabbing the END CALL button with his finger.

"Now then...time to prepare some Sichuan dishes, aru!" Yao grinned, fully prepared to go all out on the rebellious Cantonese teen.

"Idiots," Li muttered under his breath, as he placed a wireless home phone down. His "teacher" was so bad with technology, he didn't even realize it was possible for Xiao Chun to eavesdrop without approaching the study. "As if that'll, like, even faze me," he sighed,as he prepared to leave the house.

"Hey, Li, where are you going?" Yao asked. He tended to act like a mother to Li, much to the younger Asian's annoyance.

"Out," he replied, vaguely.

"Well, it's almost lunch time...so make sure you're back soon, okay?" he smiled devilishly.

"Like, yeah. I know," he nodded as he slipped into his shoes and walked out the door.

The sun beat relentlessly down on him as he casually strolled to the nearest food store. Li was relieved to feel the cool air conditioning against his skin as he purchased an assortment of pork buns, peach buns, barbeque buns, and sweet buns. He lingered about in the store for a while, not wanting to walk in the heat again. However, he knew that if he went home too late, he would be subject to both Yao's yelling. The teenager sighed as he exited the comfort of the store, and treaded grudgingly back home.

Yao wasn't done cooking when Li returned, but the smoke from the peppers was enough to make the younger Asian choke. He retreated to the room he shared with his brother, Cheng, and the two began playing cards.

"So, Li, what did you buy earlier?" Cheng politely asked as he began to shuffle the deck of cards.

"Like, nothing much. My pork bun pile was totally running low again, so I just needed to stock up."

"Is that so...?" Cheng dealt out the cards for a game of Speed. "Next time it runs low, just tell me. I'll be sure to buy you lots of pork buns."

"Thanks, but no thanks."

For a while, neither of them talked. Then...

"Teacher said he's preparing a Sichuan feast for lunch today," the Macanese commented.

"Is that so...?" Li acted disinterested, as he flipped through his cards.

Cheng smiled as he looked through his own cards. "Will you be alright...? I know you don't like-"

"It'll, like, be fine. Pork buns, remember?"

Cheng looked a little surprised, before smiling softly again. "You're right."

The two played a few games. They tied-each of them winning three games. Before they could initiate the tie-breaker match (which Li definitely would've won; Cheng always held back while playing), Yao's voice rang throughout the house, telling everyone it was lunchtime.

"Today's food is all authentic Sichuan dishes, aru!" Yao said proudly, as he sneaked a glance at Xiao Chun. He had expected a look of disgust, or even a flicker of fear. However, he was met with the same blank stare as always. "Well, dig in everyone!" he commanded as he sat down at the head of the table and heaved a steaming ball of rice onto his plate.

Everyone began eating happily, flavoring their rice with mapo tofu, kung pao chicken, and fuqi feipian. Well, that is, everyone but Li. He was eating his pork buns. It didn't take Yao too long to notice.

"Xiao Chun, what's wrong? Why aren't you eating some of these dishes I prepared, aru?" Yao asked.

Li glanced at the assortment of spicy dishes laid out on the table, and shrugged. "Pork buns are totally better," he replied, as he stuffed yet another pork bun into his mouth. A look of disbelief flashed across Yao's face before he regained his composure. Luckily for the Chinese man, a certain Taiwanese girl stepped in.

"Li, don't be like that...Teacher spent a lot of time cooking these dishes, you know," she tried to reason. "At least eat a little bit."

"I'm totally already full," he stood up. "I'll, like, be in my room if any of you need me," he muttered, walking away.

"Geez...what's with him?" Xiao Mei grumbled.

"Well, you know him...he doesn't really like spicy food," Cheng pointed out. "Teacher, you should've at least made something he could've eaten."

"I can't do that, aru!" Yao answered, determined. "I'll be cooking spicy food every day until Li eats a bite!"

Both Cheng and Mei stared at the Chinese man. "You're messed up," Mei said flatly as she stood up as well.

"You're being a little bit unreasonable, Teacher...," Cheng frowned, following Mei to the living quarters of the house.

Yao sighed as he watched the two disappear from his sight. Today's attack on Li was definitely unsuccessful. Not only did Xiao Chun refuse to eat any of the spicy food, it was almost certain that both Cheng and Mei hated him now. He made a mental note to call Opium later to report the conditions.


End file.
